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They fear experiencing invalidation from the target of attraction because they use superficial categories to define the self and others as well as to predict the effectiveness of their possible relationships, ignoring the affection messages from the real people who are attracted them.
Online daters tend to fill in the information gaps with positive qualities in a potential partner; on the other hand, everyone wants to make the self appear as attractive as possible to potential dates by exaggerating the self desirable traits.2.
There are gender differences in both preference and messaging behavior on online dating sites.
In the category-based process, one uses some concepts to predict both possibilities of acceptance and rejection by the others. I make a distinction between online communications and online dating/matching.
It is an artificial type because both rejection and acceptance by the daters are not about the rejection and acceptance of real persons, but of the imagined or perceived attributes of their categories. New computer technology has greatly expanded people's potential and freedom to communicate with one another, some of which may generate love and romantic relationships, but online dating/matching, at least in its current format, has restricted the freedom. "It is clear that online dating has at least two problems.
The problems with online dating It is clear that online dating has at least two problems.
First, it is an opposite of face-to -face interaction.
When people use categories to predict an interaction (but not pay attention to the other's real communications, they will produce two outcomes: a), avoiding love from right individuals, and, b) approaching the wrong person(s).
This kind of distorted cognitions can only be rectified through the regular and meaningful interactions, which help individuals find out that they are worthy others' love and appreciation.
To explain the problem, I need to first elucidate the ingredients for love and the meaningful interactions.
The basic ingredients for love As demonstrated by studies on interpersonal attraction, creating and maintaining love involves validating communications between the partners on a variety of issues, including understanding and concern for the partner's personal and emotional needs, developing companionship, physical attractiveness, cultivating and nurturing physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual well beings, respecting, supporting, forgiving, accepting and encouraging, expressions of appreciation and affection: sexual pleasure and fidelity, commitment, shared activities, as well as the absence of controlling, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling, and blaming, among other factors.
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