South korean dating etiquette

Maybe this “me” comes out when I meet a guy who makes me relax, and I don’t have to think too much about what he thinks about me.Maybe I was finally enjoying a moment of repose, showing who I really am, in a safe space free from conventional definitions of gender roles.It dawns on me that my battle isn’t just about fighting South Korean men’s expectations of how women ought to behave.

I see myself as a lively, bright and sociable girl.

I love to interact with new people and have no problem making new friends.

Here are some things I heard from my ex’s: “Why do you have so many male friends? But the same guys would get angry when their own girlfriends tried to drink more than one can of beer.

” “Do you really have to go to all those social gatherings? They wanted to date a girl who was smart and independent enough to handle her own life, but also dependent enough to respect when faced with difficulties.

I finally had an answer to the question I had first posed in my early twenties: My outgoing personality, which attracted men, was not an obstacle to developing stable relationships.

I had never been the problem; I was fine the way I was in my entirety, whether independent, outgoing or girlish, and I could express myself fully if I was given space, without judgment.Dating him, and others before that, has allowed me to see my self-contradictions and insecurities.I am self-conscious of my independence and womanhood.She should be resilient but needs to be rescued when hardship arises. I could concede that independent and dependent tendencies might coexist in a person, certainly, but often they don’t go together.I thought it more a fantasy of men who craved unequal power relations with their girlfriends than a reality.I am full of contradictory desires, wanting to be my own self, whatever that may be, but also wanting to meet South Korean society’s standards on what a proper woman should be.

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