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And, unfortunately, much to her annoyance, the person she employed as a gardener pulled out her poppies thinking they were weeds(! Of course I could go on and on about so many wonderful things about her and how she was always there for me even during some very difficult times and the things she had to endure in her lifetime.

I may not have been that reciprocal at times (see “Suicide Blonde”) and at times was also hard on her, but I loved her deeply all the same and we would tell each other that.

Since then I haven’t been able to focus on my blog or “ June 2014, Mum had turned 79 years young and me and the rest of the immediate family (including her 19 month year old grandson - my nephew), celebrated with a 3 course Sunday Roast lunch at a gastro pub in North West London.

It was causing her acute distress due to the muscle being worn away with cartilage rubbing against cartilage and having tried every other remedy available on the NHS including very painful steroid injections – this was advised as the only chance of rectifying the problem and healing her pain.

Despite my concerns about her having this operation, as I thought there were grave risks, the day following surgery she looked fantastic to be honest.

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I believe the tears were her knowing she was about to die - it was my mum’s time.

I constantly replay those harrowing events in my head and wondering if there was anything I could have done to save my mum – to change the outcome of destiny, but my Angels had previously told me that when my mum was to go it would be sudden and there would be nothing anyone could do (see "I Believe in Angels") and personally I had thoughts, as to whether she would come back home this time.

However, the next day her condition had deteriorated dramatically and the medical staff hadn’t noticed.

She was telling me that something wasn’t right, but my mum said that on many occasions.

She was a warrior – someone who endured great hardship and worked very hard to provide for her 3 children; a life force so kind and unconditionally loving, but also a fighter and a brave soul.

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