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Like many problems, it can start innocently at first, with a person visiting sexually titillating sites perhaps out of boredom or a seeking escapism but then it can escalate to other behaviours, such as directly communicating with other people online and over time can become addictive and harmful.

Moving forward In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband.

Though it may be painful, the fact that you have started talking about issues is a good sign.

How much of a problem it is, depends on the degree and type of access and what it means in the context of the marriage.

There is a big difference between a person occasionally viewing pornography with the knowledge and even involvement of their partner to a full-blown betrayal and using adult websites to start affairs with other people.

However, creating this intimacy is hard work and much harder than the easy escapism of the internet or watching TV or even over-working or domestic chores.

Real intimacy is created in everyday communication, in the nitty-gritty of sharing a life together and in the hard work of resolving conflicts and accepting the other person as different to you.

It wouldn’t have been as bad if he was just accessing porn, as I know men do this, but the fact that he was talking to other people has really disgusted me.

I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him.

You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.

To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.

When this happens frequently, it can lead to a reduction in their sex-life together, a growing sense of disconnection and an erosion of the marital bond.

Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.

All you have to do is answer a couple of simple questions and you’re ready to go.

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