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I’ve heard things like: “When a guy’s relationship ends, he replaces her.When a woman’s relationship ends, she mourns,” or, “He’s just hooking up with such-and-such to spite the ex-girlfriend,” or “Guys just don’t care” and other nonsense.Move on immediately, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of time and heartache.” MORE: Ask a Guy: How Can I Avoid Being the Rebound?
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I don’t think it’s that guys don’t want to deal with the breakup…
I think it’s more that they wouldn’t even know how or where to begin… but if I could go back and tell my 15-year-old self a piece of advice about breakups, it would be, “If you get dumped, just move on right away.
In the case where you dumped the guy, one common reason is that the guy doesn’t want to be alone, he doesn’t want to deal with his grief over the breakup, and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.” When he jumps into another relationship, he can get a dose of external female validation and derive a feeling of false sense of self-esteem and self-worth from her positive attention.
It has its cost though and eventually devolves into a crippling neediness.
In the same regard, when a relationship ends, it is much much harder for a guy to go back and discuss and revisit and talk through and explain, etc. MORE: 5 Hidden Signs Your Ex Still Loves You (Even If He Says He Doesn’t) In fact, guys like to keep their emotional spectrum focused on a tight range of emotions – somewhere between amusement and contentedness.
So any interaction that a guy knows will bring him out of that sweet range of emotions is an interaction he’s going to do everything he can to avoid.It changes the guy and, in turn, changes the relationship. Hook up with a bunch of girls and have a series of flings.As a result, the relationship usually suffers and, in the case of this example, ends. I mean, think about it – no chance of love, no chance of commitment (and therefore, no risk of falling into being a way he doesn’t want to be and doing things he doesn’t want to do) and plenty of plausible external validation that the guy is a “worthy man” since he’s getting so much ass.It’s painful because it’s a belief that something that is impossible is could be possible…and therefore sets countless impossible expectations into motion.Recently the subject of guys and breakups came up and Sabrina and I went back and forth about what guys generally go through when they breakup.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating