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As my friend Lindsey, married and in her thirties, recently remarked, “I’m sure glad I wasn’t much of a Christian when I started dating my husband!” Whether over coffee in my kitchen or on the hallowed ground of women’s small groups, I hear these murmurs constantly.

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Within the Christian faith, denominational differences and ideas about how faith fits into daily life can create relationship obstacles, and even be deal-breakers.

Even if you’re on the same page when it comes to personal faith, you’re still two unique beings who crave compatibility and chemistry.

A wise man once told me that there were only two outcomes for dating relationships: getting married or breaking up.

“The secret,” he said, “is knowing how to handle a dating relationship so you know if the other person is worth marrying or he or she is honored in the breakup.” Unfortunately, it seems like many young singles struggle to figure out just how to handle dating–and I’m not the only one who’s noticed how weird the Christian dating scene can be.

Most of marriage involves time together, one on one, in a friendship.

And spending intentional one-on-one time—not too serious, just time—allows both parties to experience what it would be like to continue in the relationship.

He didn’t get necessarily smarter–he got more experienced. Sometimes we all need a little practice with figuring out what we really want–not in terms of our “ideal spouse” but a real flesh-and-blood human.

“Do you think Christian girls make dating too serious? “I need a buffer of at least five dates before I’m thinking of any future at all! What if you completely jettison the idea of finding your husband or wife via dating, at least for the first five dates?

And unless someone’s making arrangements for you, it’s worth spending at least a little bit of time with the person before you decide if they are worth marrying. But it’s foolish to think that the way a girl or guy acts in a group of friends is the same as how they’ll act one on one.

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