Dating game online something awful

Profile Writers follow strict guidelines, often recycling the same half-dozen clichés over and over again. ), all the Profile Writer needs to do is search for the word “dog” in their manual and choose from a list of dog-related one-liners, like this one: The process for Closers is a bit more complicated.

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“She seems more simple,” my trainer would write in response.

“Let’s try a different approach.” My meaningful questions would disappear from our shared Google Doc, replaced by simpler, condescending small talk.

My personal favorite: These pick-up lines are mostly sent by a third type of employee, “Matchmakers,” who send out opening messages en masse across every dating platform imaginable: Tinder, Bumble, match.com, POF, Luxy, and Seeking Arrangement, to name just a few.

As part of the company’s all-inclusive service, Matchmakers will scour these platforms for potential matches and then send copy-and pasted opening messages to those who fulfill their clients’ preferences, such as “must love cats” or “should know how to cook.” But combing through each woman’s profile would require too much time, so Matchmakers are instead taught to generalize a client’s preferences as much as possible and then select an opening line that could work for hundreds of women. That’s easy: Client X’s Matchmaker can search the company manual for the word “travel” and select from a handful of vague travel-related greetings.

This messaging “blast” technique may appear lucrative compared to the average neighborhood yenta, but it has occurred to me that good matchmaking may not be in the company’s financial interest. And with Vi DA charging each client anywhere from $495 to $1,695 a month for its services, there is a significant financial incentive to keep them coming back.

Originally a sales guy with no time for “real dates,” Valdez grew Vi DA’s brand out of his own experiences in the dating world.

Once you mix in the vague rules of netiquette and a healthy fear of catfishing scams, it’s easy to see why someone might want to outsource their online-dating profile to a pro, if only to keep themselves sane.

But where does the digital social assistant end and the con artist begin? In November 2017, I ran across an ad seeking “people with good Tinder skills” for a job as a “Virtual Dating Assistant.” At first I thought it was a joke, but I completed their online form out of pure fascination. Apparently, professional writers make for good online-dating assistants; knowing how to seduce strangers with the written word is the company’s mandate, after all.

, and are loaded with his personal insights into the primal female brain. “There’s no question about it,” reads one chapter, “women want to date the alpha male.

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